the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
