I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
