when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she pinky promised me she was 18
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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