I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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