State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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