im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
