She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
