If that was your dad, he is hot
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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