I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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