is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
