My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
