just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
