Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
