wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
