i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
