Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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