FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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