gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
