Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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