it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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