i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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