he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize