Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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