i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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