Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
