proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
