true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
