Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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