just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
