i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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