Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
