there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
