He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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