Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
