She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and she was petting her beer can
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
