Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He passed out mid-signature
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
