He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
