I met the friendliest cop last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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