Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
