My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
