Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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