I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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