listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize