I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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