I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
