I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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