i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
