There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
