Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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