Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
