Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
