Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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