She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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