I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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