literally had 100 drinks last night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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