I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
