if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Watching her eat just hurts me
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
