She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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