i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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