those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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