I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
why does every cop we meet know your name?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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