I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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