i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She said her name was "party"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
