sorry about calling you the devil all night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
