i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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