my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
