Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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