I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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