My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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