There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
