Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
