I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
