i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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