Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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