So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
