with your own penis?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
