Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Enjoy the penises
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
