So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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