If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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