walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
