when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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