How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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