I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're too hungover to prance.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
