I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
