I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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