Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
