I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
