We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
