I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
