I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
