just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize