If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
