what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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