All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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