When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
