Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
