I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
