HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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