If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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