guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
