I want you more than these girls want KFC
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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