I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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