plz talk dirty to me
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
