i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize