DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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