You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
