She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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