This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize