exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
