I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
