It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I AM VODKA MAN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
