Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
